Someone posted today that sometimes some dogs are not wired correctly and the kindest thing to do is to release them. We will never know if this was the case for Ali or if it was due to the irreparable harm she had suffered before being rescued. Either way knowing that she was damaged does not make today any easier.
She had 6yrs of extra time with us, as we were her last hope. I know all the rational stuff that should console me … the fun she had on the beach, the trust we slowly managed to build-up that allowed her to be off-lead and feel safe enough to come back … the love she got from us and gave. But I still feel, as I always did with her, that I let her down.
Ali was just too damaged (I really hate some people) but I still feeling guilty even though I know that no matter what I did it was never going to be enough to go anywhere near undoing the wrongs that had already been done to her.
I could never make her see that she didn’t have to steal food, or guard it, and that she didn’t have to fight for every crumb, as she would always have enough to eat. I couldn’t stop her from being so overwhelmed by being fussed that she felt she had to be aggressive to the others to keep them away, so she didn’t have to share. I could never make her relax enough to not always be worried about everything.
She bonded totally with Berezi and we thought we were not going to get her through losing her (Feb 2016) but Miz-mouse stepped in and made sure she was safe. She adored Soli but we lost him far too soon (Nov 2016). When we lost Mouse (April 2019) all was lost, Ali gradually started reverting back to old ways as once again she just couldn’t handle life. There had always been problems with her kidney function and finally they started to give out completely. This would not have been a major issue for us, but it was stressing her even more and coupled with the downward spiral in her behaviour it became very clear that she was not coping on too many levels.
To have to write this is breaking our hearts …
Run free in the Summerlands beautiful girl … you will have a Misfits welcome committee waiting there to show you the ropes.